Red's Blog

Season’s greetings, Red cadets!

I opened up the newspaper today to see that the Queen met Lady GaGa! It’s a funny old world, ‘init? We wonder if she was shocked by her bizarre outfit… fill in your own joke there. Of course, neither of them are fans of paparazzi, with her Maj recently telling them to b***er orf and stop photographing her grandchildren. I find paparazzi tiresome too. Sometimes when I’m out with my showbiz friends they miss me out of the pictures completely. Don’t they know who I am? I’m on the bloomin’ telly every day!

And talking of being on telly, have you seen my Xmas advert on Virgin 1? Danny Dyer’s been ribbing me for being a fairy but that’s only because he’s jealous of my dress. You can see it at my Facebook page to. And if you’d like your own Red to stick on the tree, enter my new competition to win a mini- me! Blimey, that rhymed.

I have to confess, I’d never heard of the Gino D’Acampo fella who won I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here (So I Can Get Myself Some Work Before The Public Forgets About Me Again.) Apparently he’s some sort of chef? I reckon I could be a celebrity chef. I invented an amazing meal yesterday. What you do is, take a packet of Hula Hoops and thread each hoop gently over a Cheesestring (you may have to peel the string to fit). It’s like a skinny, savoury version of an Arctic Roll. Magic.

I’m loving Season 2 of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles on Virgin 1. If you’ve not seen it, basically it’s all the bits that went on after the second (and best) Terminator movie. Arnie’s not in it but, bizarrely, the lead singer of Garbage is. So that’s what she’s doing now, if you were wondering. Also you should check out Nothing to Declare, which is a fly-on-the-wall doc about Australian customs officials and all the mad things they encounter. Next week someone tries to smuggle in a dead bear. Brilliant.

I’ll leave you with some advice from a book called ‘How to Survive Christmas Without Killing Any Of Your Relatives’:

“Always remember that while eating one Satsuma whole can be fun, three at once should not be attempted unless you are a professional Satsuma swallower. It’s not as easy as you’ll think it looks in the heat of the moment.”

Makes you think Ta ra!